Sulfur

he laughs
sensing my fear.

"Sweety," he whispers to the girl,  "Leave me with her for a while."

I could hear her heels walk out into the darkness.

I couldn't move
breathing seemed less of an option.

I began to smell rotten eggs.

Sulfur...

My mind raced faster and faster.

Why was I here?
Why did I come back to this place?
Why?

"Need help with those questions, love?"

his voice was menacingly kind.

I moved my eyes towards him.

he laughed.
"Oh girl, you are amusing. You don't remember anything do you?"

his smile was horrific. I hadn't missed it.

his black leather shoes were in front of my face.

his hand moved my hair away from my eyes.
I couldn't shake him away. 

he laughed moving his mouth closer to my ear.

I could feel his skin, it was scaled.
Something you wouldn't notice from afar.
But see him close, it was more than noticeable.

"You lost love. You and you silly light lost."

Awake.

I am not where I was.

My eyes open,

I'm sore...

Everywhere.

Each bone in my body felt like it was nearly broke.

I wasn't shackled or bound.

I was free.
But also paralyzed with pain.

It was to the point to where I couldn't feel anything.

I was, though sore, suprisingly numb.



The sound of footsteps filled my ear.

This all didn't seem real.

What had happened?

"Oh look darling, she's awake."

This wasn't the voice I had heard before.

"She looks so fragile," the voice laughs.

It wasn't a man. But who was she talking to?

"Oh good!" another voice exclaimed.


The world froze.

It was him....

When empathy gets the best of me.

*DISCLAIMER*
this is more of a rant more than anything else. Just to help me get things off of my chest instead of doing something stupid and unnecessary. If you do not want to read something pointless and/or do not want to read about the concept of EMPATHY then i recommend closing this page NOW.

that is all

*END DISCLAIMER*

Here is a picture of a giraffe... Just in case you felt like you were wasting your time

Not many blogs have giraffes do they!!!

For those who know me-- you may understand my empathy levels.

for those that don't.

EMPATHY- the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Back in High school, I was a very empathetic person. I could partially feel what others were feeling. Both a blessing and a curse.

My group of friends weren't exactly the happiest of people. they had a lot of problems.
Problems that I thought I could personally fix. I put aside my own issues and problems to fix their problems, which helped my empathy levels with them around....


Surely this all sounds crazy. But for those who knew me in high school. I said I wanted to be a therapist. or a psychologist, or something that had to do with peoples well being.... That was because of the fact that I could feel and read peoples emotions.

Though my little "gift" has cooled down a bit. It occasionally flares with people. People I am close to.

I feel their pain. and now I have to force myself to try not to fix it. no matter how bad i hurt for them. or no matter how badly I want to fix it. I know i can not because reviewing my high school life I know it will only lead to more chaos and rapture.



I will end this nicely.. and quietly...

I am praying for those who have empathy issues like me. and I know how it feels.
I love you all..

Godspeed <3

"Why have I become Invisible?"

She raises her head to the unknown again.

"Please..." she whispers. "Answer me this time... Please."

It was raining. Though it was her favorite weather. Today was different.

It was coming down in sheets. Covering her face. Her make up smearing down her cheeks.

She liked the rain because she could hide her tears.

She could hide her feelings in the rain.

She was very metaphorical. Thinking the rain could wash away her feelings of alone-ness.

It never did.

"Whoever... Whatever is out there.... Someone said there was a higher being or something."



She paused to breathe. Rain filling her nose.

She looked up again.

" If there is a God... Tell me something. Please..."

"Where are you?... Are you really here?"

"People say you are... and... I don't have anyone else to turn to..."

Thunder rolled through the clouds as the rain came harder.

"I am alone now!" She screamed through the thunder.

"Why have I become invisible?"

Thunder rolled again through the rain.

She laughed at herself. A higher being they told me.. A GOD they told me.

"They told me you could help me!" she screamed to the clouds.

"So, Help me!" 
"Tell me why I am alone!" 

"Tell me why no one wants ME!"

She screamed more. Wanting answers beyond her control. She wanted to feel less alone. Less invisible.

She fell back to her knees questioning everything she knows.  Her make up smeared everywhere.


"I don't want to be alone anymore." she whispered to the clouds.

As she finished her sentence she felt a hand on her shoulder.

A stranger. The person sat down beside her. Saying nothing. But didn't let her be alone...

Mirror Me.

I stare in the mirror.

I see me....
But not from the present or the future..

The past.

4 years ago...

I smile at myself. I look so naive.

I was so innocent then.. I think to myself.

The mirror image looks at me confused.

It laughs and says-
I am no where near innocent, sweetheart.

We laugh together.
Mirror me stops before I do.

You know..
 Mirror Me says,
We will never get this opportunity again.
To change the past.

I smile and nod at my past self.

I was bright..

"We are still bright." She states.

I move closer to the younger version of myself.

Don't speak, Listen.
I say intently, knowing myself.

She nods. And I begin.

Love yourself. No matter how hard it may seem. You are the only you, you have.

Don't sweat the small things in your young life. Look at the bigger picture.

The friends you have now may seem like they are it... keep in mind everyone is different and have different opinoins and issues.

Don't date those boys... they weren't worth it. Seriously.

Remember your family in all that you do. You have young ones looking up to you. They are always watching.

God loves you more than you know.

Don't ever feel like life is too hard. You're still in high school.

Don't post your life on Facebook. It's not a diary.

Soak up every moment at Camp. You never know how long you'll be there.

There will be moments when you feel like you're in love. You are young. Don't let him control your thoughts.

You are beautiful. Don't forget that.

Remember your morals.

Love life. Even the hard stuff. You only get to live once.

Don't be hard on yourself. Everyone has flaws.

You don't know everything.

Don't be a smart ass.

She watches your every move. And loves you more than you know. Don't ruin that relationship.

I stared at the mirror for a few seconds, letting my naive self soak up all I said.

One more thing. I whisper.

Don't ever give up on yourself. Ever. You are worth it.


The version of myself looks at me, smiles, thanks me and leaves. leaving me only with myself.

I close my eyes for a split second.

Maybe it will be like the movies and everything will change.

I take a breath, and open them slowly...

I look at myself in the mirror, and see me. Nothing changed, nothing different. Just me like I was before I saw my past self.
Flawed
Imperfect
A little crazy.
But still me...

Maybe I didn't listen. I think.

Maybe nothing was supposed to change. I think looking at my mirrored self.

I laugh at myself, giving the mirror one more look over. Smile and walk away.




Godspeed <3