Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I dedicate this to a dear friend.

It's quite a silly song.

But I think it's something that Could help a lot of people out.


It is by a youtuber- Onision. He has a strange sense of humor. But he has his moments to where he is very very inspriational.

Here is his song.

Here We Go Again-- Onision
 
 
 
You're Beautiful- Onision
 
 
 
 
The jist... We all have problems... And you're beautiful <3
 
Godspeed <3

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Where to Begin

Compelled.

I feel more than compelled.

There is nothing more I want to do than to teach kids about Christ.

I don't know if this is the camp high or just my decision to become a youth minister.

I just really REALLY want to teach kids about God and His love.


Why is it so difficult.... oh, right.... the whole thing about NOT having a degree....

bummer.....


I don't even know where to begin...

The fact that I want to join a new church doesn't help me either does it....

Someone told me once that I should stop praying about it and just do it.

Well dear friend,
Tell me again how I need to begin.

Give me a pep talk that I hated.

That I almost shut down to...

Tell me to stop being an Idle prayer... but Tell it to be straight.


AGH. i have so much... angst...? I don't think that was the right word for it.

I just have so much... passion? sure let's go with passion.... about this. I feel compelled.

I want to lead.


I want to grow.

I want to do this.


Where to begin....


I need.... I want....

My mind has been moving a million miles a minute- as it always does

And apologetically I have to say I haven't found the right words to write...

So, I am going to be frank and blunt.

Here goes...

I need a haircut-- thinking of donating to Locks of Love as of about 3 hours ago...

I want to take pictures. Lots of them....
I want to take pictures with me and other people.... meaning I need to get over my dislike for people and my introverted-ness.

I want to take pictures of nature. Still life. The world.

I want to get out of the town of Gurnee.
I want to get out of Lake County.


I want to be where ALL the stars are visible...
Not just the main ones.


I want to start listening to music with a heck of a lot of emotion...

I want to listen to people with passion.


I want to go to a semenar.


I want to go to a show.
A concert.

I want to go back to camp...
I miss camp too much.

I want to find a church.
I want to find reverance.
I want to be back to a 9/10 instead of the silly 4.5/10 I am at right now....


I want to find a job.
I want to like school.
I want to be good at school.
I want to be motivated.


I need a job.
I need to find a college suitable for me.
I need to pray more.
I need to talk to people more.


I need and want a lot....

I need sleep...


Godspeed <3

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

My World Ended


The day my world ended was the day you came into town.
 

Everything I ever knew was thrown away by a simple glance in your direction.
 

You turned my whole world upside down, into a mess of destruction.
 

The apocalyptic whirl as the ground began to lift me off my feet.
 

Your eyes hypnotize everyone you looked at making them follow your every order.
 

The insanity that developed in my brain each time a conversation surfaced.
 

Each movement you make makes the world shake in eternal damnation. 

Each time you talk you make everyone around you lose the ability to speak.
 

The control you have making people powerless, manipulating them to want to listen.
 

You make everyone’s weakness become visible; making them vulnerable to the rest of the world.
 

You pierce a hole in my heart when you leave; making me a hollow void.
 

I detest you to the point of vomiting.
 
But I am entranced, hypnotized, mesmerized, captivated by your existence.

The day my world ended was the day you came into town.

I am so amazed by this writing. Frankly, I don't quite know where it came from. But I am so gratefully amused by it. It actually makes me laugh when I read it, because of the fact that there is so much hatred, so much loathing in one simple writing. Funny thing is, the loathing is all a lie. Think about someone you loved, with all your heart... think about being miles away from them... think about them not knowing you cared about them... having them be totally oblivious to the fact that you care so much about them and they aren't doing anything in return.

I cannot help but laugh because I have seen this- felt this- so many times.

I hope you enjoyed this writing. :)

Godspeed <3