Trust and Communication

Trust.

Trust, trust, trust....

What a GAINT word for five little letters.

I mean think about it.

To trust someone is to rely on them.

To rely on their;

Strength,

Integrity,

Ability,

Surety,

To be able to be confident in a person with all of your heart.

Trust has always been hard on me.

It's scary for me to put trust in another person, I'm so used to being let down....


(I've learned not to trust people because of group projects in high school...jokes jokes)

Putting my trust in someone means I need to let go of control and let it be.

Let me just say, that's terrifying.


150% terrifying to let go of control.

I wouldn't say I'm a control freak, but I am one of those people that likes to know what's going on and what is happening and knowing fully that it will not change.... (not a way to live.)



Another thing that is scary to me is communication.
To communicate and share feelings with another person.
Not fun for someone who isn't very good at sharing feelings in general.
It's something I have to re-learn. How to vent fully again.
Or how to express my feelings and not shut down because they are "stupid" feelings.
They aren't stupid feelings. They are feelings that I have and need to share, but don't know how to do that yet.

I'm so afraid that if I say the wrong word it will ruin a friendship or ruin the conversation and someone will get mad or hurt or won't talk to me again.

It's scary.

Trust and communication are things I need to work on in life..

If I don't I know it can lead to a life of loneliness and sadness.

Have patience with me and continue to communicate your feelings with me if I am doing this to you.

Because I don't want to ruin a perfectly good relationship because I don't know exactly how to do something yet.



Thanks for reading.

Godspeed <3

All of my feels tonight. Written like those Spoken Word poets.

Where are you when I need you most?
When I'm lying alone,
When I'm crying alone,
When I am alone and want nothing more than your hands wrapped around me telling me I am not ALONE.


The thing with this disease is that my pride takes over.
I'll push you away until I know you don't want to stay.
Because I feel the need to be alone.
Because I feel claustrophobic.
Because my damn pride can't handle the fact that I deserve love.
I deserve someone to hold me when I can't hold myself up,
When my limbs feel too heavy to take one more step.