A very recent thing.
I don't know why.
I just felt like it was a good idea.
So If you need praying for. I AM YOUR GIRL!!!
Oh, I'm talking to a local preist on Monday. I'm quite excited to get answers, or more just someone who is willing to accept this point of my life instead of blowing it to the side.
Thank you to singer Matt Hammitt for singing this beautiful song.
Matt Hammitt-- All of Me
WOW. How the Lord Works!!!
Today after going to Marytown to pray, I was driving home, just thinking about where I'm called to be, and if I'm able to love Christ the way He loves me.
Then BOOM!!! klove radio lets this song sing through the speakers.
Well, being me, I almost broke down in the car. Because this song is just so beautiful, and this is what so many people have been telling me to do. I just can't seem to do it quite yet.
The past few days I've felt attacked, loved, then attacked again. Not physically attacked, spiritually attacked. It has happened to all of us before...
That moment when you feel so alone.
Or that you're not worth the time of day.
Lies.
This has been a struggle for me...
Specially with my discernment...
Why would God choose me?!
A silly, naive girl being given a choice...
How could she be worthy enough?!
How could God be so silly, to give HER this type of choice??
The insanity...
But someone told me that I was given this choice for a reason.
That God looked past my faults, and saw what I could do because of the faults.
I can't explain it the way those people did because it was God speaking through them.
And though I've heard it so many times thats mostly what stuck with me. Because HE saw past the pain, misfortune, stupidity, naive-ness, and saw LOVE.
Oh man, did He see love.
So, even though you may feel attacked sometimes, you are loved, and HE sees past your faults, your pain, stupidity, and naive-ness.
Godspeed <3 This is a family-- FANNIN ELEVEN Covering Jesus take the wheel by Carrie Underwood.
This was written at about 3:30 ish.
Have you ever had your heart beat fast?
Your breathing quickens, and you shake with nervousness and excitement?
Right now I am sitting in Marytown's beautiful adoration chapel.
It's huge.
Mass is held hear every Sunday and Maximilian Kolbe's Shrine is.
I could live here.
There are 15 columns on both sides of the chapel.
11 GIANT mosaic paintings of saints.
If only you could see it.
There is a picture right underneath the altar.
It is in the shape of a rectangular arch.
There is heaven at the top of it, and at the bottom two corners is hell. Flames surrounding pepople in white who are praying, pleading for freedom from the fiery flames.
Where Jesus is kept is surrounded by angels- from my veiw there is about seven angels, but I know there are many more, some visible, some not.
It's 4pm and the bells outside are declaring the time.
I am at peace.
Starting October 19th I plan on coming here on a daily basis. Because of its peace.
But mostly because that is when I begin the Consecration of Jesus through Mary by St. Louis de Montfort.
He's pretty cool.
I think the Lord knows I need peace today. Because usually during adoration we would... I would be arguing with God. Pestering Him with question after question about my future, and where He wants to take me.
"In time.. In time..."
Patience is going to be a struggle throught out the next few years/ months/ weeks/ days...
But peace, love, and joy of Christ will help me through it.
It has been about 3 days I've had this headache, but it's okay.
I was meaning to take an adventure to Marytown today, but other things got in the way AKA the loss of my front right hubcap.
I guess I lost my hubcap right as I was driving home from picking up my little brother. As I was driving around trying to find it again, I got stuck at a red light, where just a few feet in front of my white mini-van was my lovely hubcap, just chillin' waiting for my return. But, me being a chicken, I couldn't/ wouldn't get out of the car to get it. So, the hubcap stayed in its lonely spot for about 30 more minutes, then my parents left to got to a meeting, grabbed the hubcap and went on their way.
Needless to say The Cloud (My Van) now is fully clothed with its beautiful hubcaps.
I feel like I should make an analogy on how life could be like a car without a hubcap... my brain is too tired. Godspeed <3
So here is a song
Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) -- Chris Tomlin
It's kind of funny that St. Teresa of Avila showed up in my life again.
I found her at the beginning of the summer at camp, and tried to read her auto-biography.
It being camp, I never got around to it.
But I'm glad her stories coming back into my life.
When she was a little girl, she wanted to be near God, she contemplated Martyrdom, she was a kid, and she just wanted to be with God!!
Her mom also died when she was young, and she threw herself at the feet of the Blessed Virgin Mary and asked Her to be her Mother.
Super cool.
She died in 1582, she was 67 years old. She died somewhere in October, either late October 4th, or early October 15th. Her final words are super beautiful...
"My Lord, it is time to move on. Well then, may your will be done. O my Lord and my Spouse, the hour that I have longed for has come. It is time to meet one another."
~St. Teresa of Avila
Great right?!
I really need to read more on her, because I think she will help me a lot with my discernment.
Well, point of this..
St. Teresa of Avila = Super Awesome
Tenth Avenue North= Super Awesome as well.. Here is their song Empty My Hands.Godspeed <3
Illinois and Wisconsin have many differences.
1. In Illinois there are reckless drivers, not reckless deer.
2. In Illinois there is fields of corn, not cows.
3. In Wisconsin, it's like you turned back the clock 10 years.
4. In Wisconsin people have some common courtesy, like holding doors, and saying hello, or excuse me.
5. The churches in Wisconsin.. A LOT cooler. no offense Illinois.
6. Wisconsin has a better accent. Minus "Melk, bAgel, and beg (BAG!!).
7. Wisconsin has CAMP GRAY. Illinois does not.
8. Wisconsin has a wanna-be city (Mad-town.) Illinois has Chi-town (legit.)
9. People in Wisconsin HUG! Doesn't matter if you saw the person 2 days ago or 2 years ago. They hug no matter what. Illinois people don't do that.
In the little things He lets me know.
In the big things He lets me know.
Today I found out someone else who is discerning is now praying for me.
Super awesome, Thank you Helena.
He's still there. This is just a dry spot. We all have them. But He loves. SO MUCH.
And it's beautiful.
This song is kind of a big deal. It is really self explanatory, but I think today I'm going to do a little analyze-ation of this song You Can Have Me-- Sidewalk Prophets If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life This was basicly the beginning of my summer. Instead of street, it was chapel. I still am afraid of this. And I'm still afraid I won't be able to love enough for Christ.
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me Self Explanatory, I mean today the worlds version of LOVE is so much different than the LOVE Christ had to begin with,
If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life This part I have mixed feelings about. Sure its only a song, but this seems very committed to being real. Which can be scary but also really cool.
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me Again....
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart Now this is where it gets cool. Because this is what I've wanted for a really long time. "I want to be where you are. I'm running into your arms." Like WOAH! Ever since last year I have just dreamed of being with Jesus, like just chilling with Him.
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me This song has been on my mind for a really long time. and I just thought I'd share with you.
If you didn't know, which most people don't-- but at this present moment God wants me to start considering religious life.
A nun with a guitar. yep. props to John Devine for buying the shirts. They are super cool.
But back to the point, that I really want to make in this blog, part of me wants to become a nun with a guitar. The other part of me wants to get married and have a family. This is my struggle right now.
Now you might be asking yourself, " Self, how is this a struggle?!"
Well I'm glad you asked!!!
It's a struggle because my whole life I've wanted to be a mom. My whole life I've been dreaming of love. My whole life I knew I was going to have a family, and be a teacher, and have a bigillion little kids all around me all the time.
Then BOOM! Curve ball.
"Become fully mine." He says. "Forever."
The ring on my left hand, at the moment, is Gods. That itself is a struggle, a constant reminder, which sometimes I may not want.
I've said a few times that I'm engaged to Christ, weird and possibly wrong to say, but for the moment true. I love Christ. So much.
And im terrified for where-ever He takes me, because I know it's His will.
Well this is enough for today. I leave you with this song.
Each movie, book, relationship, life starts with an introduction. Some may be more subtle than others. Some may be more elaborate. Some might be filled with love and life. Some might be dry.
My introduction will probably be a mix. So, here we go.
Michelle--
I'm just trying to figure out my life, by living, with God, with the people I love, with the struggles. It may seem lame or cheesy or whatever you want to call it, but this is me.
I will not have perfect grammar like bloggers are supposed to have.. I may not capitalize every "I" or every first letter of a sentence. But I'm trying to put together something that describes me. Somethings I'm still trying to figure out. It won't be easy. It won't be perfect. But if you care to take a listen come sit around the metaphorical fire. I would rather enjoy it.
So let me get to the point. This is for me to share my "Journey". My vocational journey. My family journey. My Future journey.
Please come join me if you'd like. I would love a listener.
