Silly Stupid Mistakes.

There are times when all I want to do is help.
Make people feel better when they are going through hell.

I've found that I don't usually help, but hurt.
I am still trying to understand why I do this.
Why I try and force myself onto others problems and be there for them when they don't want me to.

It's quite silly.

I think it's a distraction.
From my own hell.
I don't want to say that I live through hell, because there are people who have worse situations than I.

Most of us have our own hell's we live through.
Some it's financial issues,
Others it's family issues,
Others it's a chemical imbalance,
Others it's friend situations.
Others it's all of the above.

It's been a over seven years and I'm still not ready to talk about what my hell fully was.
I don't know if I ever will be.

Part of me is ashamed with what I've done in my past.
Another part of me wants to say it doesn't matter anymore because it's in fact the past.
While most of myself still looks at it almost everyday and gets upset at what I've done.

Silly stupid mistakes.
That should mean nothing, mean the world to me.


I have recently talked to someone who is going through their own hell.
I wanted to be there for this person more than I wanted to be there for someone.
Because I cared about this person more than I think they cared about me.
It's been a few days since this person and I have spoken,
I cant help it but I mentally push them away from them.
Which is really stupid.
But it's protection for myself.
So I don't get hurt.
Crazy thinking.
Because I'm hurting myself in the process.

Making me crawl back to the "hell" I live.

It happens to all.
Do not be ashamed of it.

But try not to embrace it fully either.
Let your "hell" be something that doesn't control your life.
I am learning to do this.
Let's go on this journey together.

Rain Falls Down- We The Kings