Life's a Journey, I'm Just Living: I Remember...

I remember days upon days where I couldn't look in the mirror because what I saw in the reflection was something I couldn't stand.

I remember days upon days looking in the mirror forever telling the thing in the reflection hateful things because it was something I couldn't stand.

I remember spending days in a sweatshirt and pants that didn't fit because I didn't feel like I deserved to feel beautiful.

I remember weeks where I would write myself letters, telling myself how unwanted I was because of all the things I've ruined.

I remember not wanting to go to high school dances and school events because I didn't think I deserved to enjoy anything.

I remember settling for community college because I thought I couldn't handle a real college experience.

I remember feeling completely out of control.

I remember hating myself more than anything.

I remember wanting nothing more than to watch myself crash and burn because I thought I didn't deserve any sort of happiness.

I remember almost hitting that line you're not supposed to cross.

I remember screaming telling everyone I just didn't care about myself.

I remember scaring my parents.

I remember scaring my sister.

I remember telling myself this isn't okay.

I remember asking God why I was like this.

I remember asking God why I couldn't love myself.

I remember waking up the next morning and wanting to apologize but couldn't.

I remember telling my mom I needed help.

I remember hugging.

I remember questioning my decision.

I remember continuing to hate myself.

I remember her telling me it will take time for that feeling to go away.

I remember her telling me I was worth something.

I remember her telling me I was made with love.

I remember her telling me, almost in tears, that I was loved.

I remember her telling me that what I've gone through was terrible.

I remember feeling like someone actually understood.

I remember actually, for the first time, being able to talk about it.

I remember beginning to love myself.

I remember relapsing.

I remember hating myself again.

I remember her telling me it happens.

I remember crying.

I remember tissues.

I remember her saying one day you won't relapse.

I remember her telling me God loves me.

I remember her telling me someone will come along and show me love I never experienced.

I remember her saying it's okay to cry.

I remember feeling stuck.

I remember wanting something new.

I remember chopping off my hair.

I remember buying brown boots.

I remember buying a DSLR camera.

I remember buying, and buying, and buying.

I remember singing.

I remember writing a lot.

I remember deleting great works of writing.

I remember a year has past from it all.

I remember being happy to be alive.

I remember being thankful.

I remember saying God has something bigger for me.

I remember saying God will give me something worth loving fully.

I remember surviving.

I remember putting myself back out there.

I remember awkward dinners.

I remember two different hands around me.

I remember buying black boots.

I remember being hurt.

I remember hurting someone else.

I remember typing back and forth until the other fell asleep.

I remember feeling scared.

I remember feeling nervous.

I remember a final pair of hands wrapped around me.

I remember feeling alive.

I remember finally living.

I remember the days that were still filled with self hatred.

I remember her saying your battle isn't over yet.

I remember the words you're not alone.

I remember relapsing.

I remember his words I love you.

I remember getting through this.

I remember living.